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Eye of the Blackbird

the only moving thing

Created on 2003-04-23 23:29:22 (#1022493), last updated 2009-07-03

5,588 comments received, 5,484 comments posted

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2,597 Journal Entries, 210 Tags, 1 Memory, 200+ ScrapBook Files, 2 Virtual Gifts, 79 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Maybe It's Just Me
Birthdate:	1971-04-28
Location:	Portland, Oregon, United States

Bio

So much could be beautiful...

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...but sometimes haunts me instead because I look for too long.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

[credit icon_goddess for the black and white scenery image.
2nd pic by artist Dorothea Tanning]

I wish you were listening to Sappington's song "Velvet." It's on epitonic.com.

~♦~
If you're
wanting me to
notice,
please
c o m m e n t
to be
a d d e d.
~♦~

Though I prefer the overtones, the facts include:

Creature Lover & Vegetarian
Lefthander
INFJ
PT College Student
Dream Interpreter
Mostly Recovered Agoraphobic
Taurus
Eldest Sibling
Non-Smoker (3yrs on 8/1/09!)
Omen Watcher
Chess, Scrabble, & Card Player
Non-Gambler
Non-Substance Abuser
Recovering Disordered Eater
Name Changer
Engaged to be Married (on 3/03/10)
Searching Soul

Me on May Day 2006

Among twenty snowy mountains,
The only moving thing
Was the eye of the black bird.

-Wallace Stevens

My fiance, Tony, February 2009

I'm a complex person with different sides.

I can be categorized as "intense", and hope
to be able to add to that "yet, kicked back"
at sometime in my future.

I enjoy brains, but what I truly cherish is the heart:
feelings, empathy, emotions. To me, intelligence is
just a perk for articulating and understanding what
in the hell one is really feeling about all of this.

It has come to my attention that I've a tendency to be
a bit black and white about things. While this makes me
a really enthusiastic person, it also makes for uphill work
in my aim to become one of those graced individuals who
are able to be so even-keeled through life.

In the past, my natural state has been to get way too
concerned and involved with others' plights to the neglect
of my own. This has gotten better, but I still work on this.

I am not going to attempt to classify myself under the whole
gay/ straight/bi sub-division thing. It would be misleading
no matter how I answered. Let's just say I am out of the loop,
whatever loop you may be referring to; I am no where near any loops.

***UPDATE: I am engaged to be married to a sweet
guy named Tony who is working to stay in recovery
from substance abuse. We've had some real ups
and downs, but we are slowly becoming more solid
and balanced as a couple.

After all the work on both our parts to get him
stable and past his addiction, I'm now having to transition
back to focusing on my own interests and pursuits
after a few years of pouring much of my energy
into his day to day struggles.

I'm finding that even a positive change like this gets tricky
because being in crisis had become the norm, and you pay a
price for turning away from your own projects for such a long
time. I don't think I realized how I was turning my back on
myself in this way. So, I'm trying to rise to the challenge,
and Tony is now in the position to be there to help.
I'm watching to see how we do together in this new place.

I want to be able to look in
the mirror and see a normal
happy girl.
Unusual maybe, but normal.

I want to have the life
I choose to have--
one where I see and appreciate
just how lucky and loved I am.

I am better at living when
whole-heartedly invested in
the things I believe in.